Torn Between Two Worlds

I think enough has been said about Indian woman's meteoric rise to a level where she has consolidated her position as an equal in our patriarchal society. India has come home to the idea of women empowerment and that is something to cheer about.

But along with this empowerment, comes the thorn of making difficult decisions in life. This whole concept of freedom hasn't yet managed to touch even the semi-urban areas, forget rural areas. The whole idea of educating a girl child for some people at least is to snatch off a suitable guy for their daughter. Educated girls are in vogue baby.

The girl, happy that her parents are so keen to educate her, puts in her best efforts and more often than not has a very bright academic future ahead of her. The girl with her new founded independence and flush with confidence gets a decent job and suddenly she is in this league of 'successful women'.

The parents proudly show off the latest additions in their house thanks to the extra money coming their way. 'Now only if we find a suitable groom for her' they think. The girl is now a woman who has managed to break from her cocoon now views the world with a fresh perspective and is now all starry-eyed and ambitious.

Time for some drama. Parents set off on groom-hunting with the educational qualifications and job earning them brownie points. The girl at the most will object weakly but then has to give up in face of their parent's blackmailing. She gets married and they live happily ever after. End of story? Hardly.

You see this woman wishes to keep her job but now is burdened with additional responsibilities towards her new household. Her typical schedule includes waking up at god-forsaken hours, cooking up a meal and dashing off to work. And all this time if she is lucky she might get some assistance from her husband or his family, but the chances are slim. She slogs at work, jostles for space in the oxygen-deprived train compartment and then cooks the dinner. I don't even need to mention her situation when she has kids.

This basically sums up the life of an average Indian women, the keyword being average. Of course most people would argue and might criticize about my regressive summation of our life, but take a honest look around and you will see what I mean. It is not about you or me, it's the story of the majority.

The problem with us is that we are revered like Devis and people expect us to have ten hands. While the typical Indian women wants to keep pace with the world, there are number of commitments which she can't ignore. For once, we are an emotional lot and most often than not we are torn between the two worlds and desperately try to strike a balance. The same woman who records an exponential growth at her company would still quit her job to take care of her family. All for love. What I do expect from the male lot is to respect her. While this all sounds so simple, trust me, most woman haven't yet managed to get the respect they deserve even in the urban environment.

I found this really profound e-mail being circulated during Woman's Day and I had an 'Aha' moment because it mirrors my feelings. In much beautiful words though.

Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry her with these facts as well.

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as
you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system
that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements.

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as
much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family ,name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook
food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more,
and yet never ever expected to complain;
to be a servant, a cook, a mother,
a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as
to what you want from her;
and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply
because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important,
relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some
and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstained support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

But not many guys understand this......

Please appreciate "HER"

The Five Lessons of My Life

To be very frank, as a child I used to find it really hard to stay close to reality. For me, ‘seeing is believing’ and not once did I doubt the authenticity of what fascinated me. For once I was hugely influenced by Bollywood. I used to watch with huge, saucer-shaped eyes the scenic locations and the action scenes, not to forget the quintessential romance consisting of mainly song and dance sequences and running around the trees. But then, there was always something to pull me back to reality. For example, when I tried to float the dupatta in the air so that it would land softly on me but it had disastrous consequences. The dupatta, unfortunately was entangled in the fan and then I realized that Bollywood is not so real. So lesson#1 was to never ever believe Bollywood!

That was my ‘stop-acting-like-a-fool-and-get-real’ phase that I encountered quite early in life. I opened my eyes to the world but made sure that I kept my rose-tinted glasses aside. Unfortunately civilization takes strides while you manage to trundle along. It was tough to comprehend the world around you and you had to peel of the layers off people to see what actually lay underneath and more often than not, I was repulsed by the grim underbelly of someone’s personality. Lesson#2 was to never judge a person on the first meeting itself.

Okay, I got to admit it I suck at gossip. For half of the time I can’t comprehend why people seem to be so interested in the love life of some stranger. If that person is my friend then yes I would be curious to know the facts, but the truth will only come from the concerned person. So I don’t understand why people dissect other’s lives and at the risk of sounding sexist, I say it’s a female domain majorly. But the downside of showing disinterest is that you usually end up being alone and lose out on a major chance to socialize. The worst part is when you show undue enthusiasm to actively participate and when you end up saying something you shouldn’t have. Lesson#3 – Listen, nod, add a few over-the-top expressions but never speak in a way that might turn out against you. The real gossip mongers will always find out a way out of the mess anyway, so never enroll to be a scapegoat.

I find it hard to be a chamcha. I never make hasty judgments (thanks to lesson#2) and being the hopeless optimist that I am, I always try to look out for something good in the person instead of negative qualities. But nowadays I find it really hard to notice someone’s bright side for the simple reason they got no good left in them! And I reach this conclusion after being repeatedly hurt by that person. I give chances but after a limit you can’t take it. So such people move to my ‘evil’ list and after that I find it increasingly difficult to maintain a straight face while talking to such people. So I find it surprising that two people who still talk ill of each other but maintain to act as if nothing happened for the simple reason that they share a symbiotic relation. Give some, take some. So even if it was tough to me to accept, I realized I was losing out on a lot of things by giving the loser thunderous expressions. Lesson#4- Don’t be a chamcha, but at least be cordial with the villian.

Chocolate or butterscotch ice-cream? If you had asked me this question a few years ago I would be in a singular state of mind- confused. So my thoughts would be-I like chocolate but I had it a few days ago so should I try butterscotch? But what if it doesn’t turn out good enough? Is there a third flavor? So you see when the mind is clouded with silly questions, it was tough to take a decision. To top it all, there would be people advising you about what your next course of action should be. I am okay with advice, but I hate it when someone forces me. And I am not talking only about ice-cream, I am talking about life. If there is anything that I have learned in the twenty-two years of my existence is that the best decisions were the ones taken by me. Alone. Advice is great and you need to do a good deal of thinking on your options but you shouldn’t accept anyone’s advice just because they had a great track record. They are humans, baby and as vulnerable to fads and foibles as you. So my lesson#5 is to never drown out your inner voice because it’s the only asset you got.

So I sum up the major lessons of my life although I have learnt a few minor lessons too. Like never lie to mom that you didn’t steal cookies when you have crumbs on you face, never dream about Subway sandwiches because you wont be able to concentrate the whole day and to never run when not necessary because most of the time you end up on your face. Minor lessons but they are life altering. Trust me.