Evident From My Blog Title

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.

~Anatole France

Life has a strange timing of granting your wishes- it makes them come true when you are spewing cynicism and the light at the end of the tunnel seems like another mirage. The break that I have been cribbing about landed on my lap when I had come to accept the monotony of my life.

Although the planning had been on for a week, given my reputation of flopped plans [:D], I tried not to get overtly excited about the whole thing. As the week progressed, I saw the location change three times and the number of people dwindle from ten to five. Had it not been for a very determined group of five people desperate to make it a success, this trip would never had happened. And I am glad, it did not fall apart.

We did the usual touristy things- roamed around the market, shopped for sovereigns, saw the same mountain from five different points/locations and went boating. There were moments when we simply sat on the edge, looked across the horizon, five people lost in thoughts and musings of their own.

I realised I travel differently- the excitement of seeking familiarity is more than that of discovering new places. Here, staring out of the window opening to a postcard-perfect view, I could not help thinking about settling there and writing a book, roaming around on cold mornings in the twisted alleys, cupping hot tea glasses for warmth and reading Robert Frost poems in the dead of night.

My memories are not of the perfect landscapes I witnessed but of laughing till my sides hurt, of endless brooding over life's unnecessary complications, of comfortable silences and of feeling something stir within. This is what I seek in a trip and from what I know, the journey has just begun.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -

I took the one less traveled by

And that has made all the difference.

~ Robert Frost

A Road Trip Of My Own

Note: The following events took place over a period of ten hours and covered five malls spread across central Mumbai.

I was suffering from a dry spell of movies and in general entertainment. The last movie I watched was Dum Maro Dum (duh!) in a nondescript theater in Gandhinagar. After months of wasting away my weekends simply sleeping(who feels to step out in the rains and get drenched and smell musty all day?) , we made a plan to watch Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. Although it did appear to belong to the live-your-life-to-the-fullest genre of movies which I completely detest, but the idea of having Hrithik, Farhan and Abhay as serious eye candy seemed too appealing to resist.

At around eleven, I left for the railway station only to realise that the Mega Block had begun, leaving me with no option but to take the bus. It goes without saying that I hate travelling by bus- the smoke, dust, smelly seat and an irritated conductor is not something you would look forward to. The bus screeched to a halt after I waited for more than thirty minutes, but not before slathering me with mud. My very own Tomatino festival happened right there.

After managing to get a window seat, I was unceremoniously asked to vacate it after a not-so-senior uncle pointed that the seat is reserved for senior citizens, leaving me flustered. After what seemed like an hour, I got down and started racing towards the station, almost got run over by a nasty bus with an equally nasty driver only to realise the train has been cancelled. Grrrrr-1.

Somehow I managed to reach Thane and joined my friends in an auto and headed to Korum Mall. Midway, I was told there were no tickets available so we steered the auto to Eternity Mall. No luck there too. I felt like the biggest idiot expecting to get my hands on six tickets on a Sunday in a multiplex. Bah.

Still not losing hope, we reached RMall, Mulund only to realise the female ahead of us had snagged the last five precious tickets. Next stop Nirmal Lifestyles and I am at risk of sounding repetitive. Tired, the guys finally decided to give Dreams, Bhandup a try before giving up and we were asked to stay back to avoid the whole headache of travelling.

Fufmil was apparently our bodyguard *laughs violently* and he warned us to not get all girly and irritate him. A minute later he was scampering off to catch up with the guys only because I said I craved for an ice cream. Guys, really. *rolls her eyes*

Finally, finally we managed to get tickets and it was worth all the trouble. We had the front seats which meant tilting our head in awkward angles to see clearly and involved noisy seat adjustments. We managed to embarrass fellow movie-goers with non-veg jokes and raucous laugh. It was a good day, that is all I can say. A good day after so many forgettable days.

Finally.

Remember my previous lame attempt at being mysterious? I call it lame because most of my friends guessed it, although they were kind enough not to disclose it on the blog. Keeping a secret is like controlling the urge to pee-you can barely manage to hold it inside and ultimately it has to come out.

The big news is that I am moving to Ahmedabad for my job training which according to me is, inBarney Stinson's words, legendary. It is such a big leap for me that I sometimes get intimidated by the enormity of the situation. I spent seven excruciating months trying to figure out when the mail containing my joining details will greet me in the inbox and when it finally does, it feels like the end of a chapter and the beginning of a new one.

The last time I was away from home was during my industrial(?) visit to Delhi and Nainital and that lasted for ten days. And now suddenly, I am moving away to work at an alien city with no certainty over the time period.

I spent the first few days in my own bubble, conjuring up plans so that my path to independence is not a bumpy one. The thought of unlimited shopping with a very valid excuse was enough to keep me stoned for a few more days.

But now as the D-day draws closer, all the excitement is overcast with clouds of uncertainty and self-doubt. 'Will I be able to pull it off?' is a question that keeps popping in my head with increasing frequency. Being the optimist that I am, I am holding strong to the belief that I am going to rock my training.

I am not going to include the part about how much I am going to miss home, friends, and my sleepy town because it makes me all weepy *blows her nose*. But I am going to surely mention missing my blog because it was the only thing which kept me sane during those seven hard months. It might happen that there will be a drought of posts for a few days here but I promise to return to my love as soon as I am settled into the routine. Dear readers, thanks for keeping up with me through thick and thin, complimenting me even when the posts were mediocre and a huge thanks for helping me discover my love for writing. Together, you and I have seen this blog grow older and hopefully wiser over the years.

That's Me will be on a break for a few weeks but I promise to flood it with posts chronicling about my giant leap of faith in a new city and surrounded by new people. Stay tuned to this space for more. Till then, goodbye folks :)

P.S. If this post appears incoherent, jumbled, wayward and jumpy, then may be you are right because that is my current state of mind.

P.S. again- Will be leaving for Ahmedabad on the night of 5th March. I forgot to mention it anywhere in the post. Bon Voyage!

Psst...

Remember my previous depressing post #1 and #2 ? I usually don't try to post when I am feeling blue since I fear I might end up saying things I don't mean to. Plus some people interpret it the completely inverted way and the explanation part is boggling.

So I am pleased to announce that the source of my depression(?) has vanished into thin air. The mail I was expecting finally landed into the refreshed-at-alarming-intervals inbox and it took days for the news to sink in. It was that good!

Although, you dear readers, might have to wait a little more time to know what exactly I was anxiously waiting for. I got it after so much struggle that I won't acknowledge the sweet victory till I am only a few days away from clinching it. I know, I know, it is too much of a suspense but I have the dubious distinction of being the person with record number of plans falling flat on their faces. So like a superstitious old woman, I will keep it under wraps till the right time arrives. Keep :)

Wrapping It Up

The past is a funny thing. When I look back at all the not-so-happening episodes of my life, I itch to reverse time and do things differently. When I look back at all the moments oozing of happiness, I feel heavy with emotions since I never know if I would ever feel the same again.


This year I have decided to look at the past as a distant observer; this enables me to stay a step back but yet indulge in the flow of flashbacks, albeit with fewer emotions. It is improper of us to judge what is good and what is not with respect to the past since it has already rushed past us with little regard for our opinions now.


This list of the important events(in no particular order) in the year 2010 is my way of assuring myself that all things-good or bad have to come to a definite conclusion. If things are not ending the way you want to, well, there is always another year to fix it up!

1. Loving my cousins' kids. Three children are quite a handful but they never ceased to amaze me with their ability to make things appear so simple. It only made me love kids even more.

2. Climbing over a high divider to cross over to the other side of a bumper-to-bumper traffic afflicted highway.

3. Studying real hard with absolutely no expectations and being delighted when things turned out to be good.

4. Reading a dozen books even during exams. Earlier reading was a hobby; now it is my escape route from reality.

5. Dancing like hell with college friends till I was all huffy-puffy with the dust storms I kicked up on the college ground.

6. Indulging the foodie in me and gaining 8 k.g.s without an ounce of regret.

7. Dressing up in a sari. I never thought I would say this, but I am in love with this outfit. It makes me feel so... womanly. The baggy tee girl has finally grown up, I guess.

8. Weeping on college farewell party. Not because I was high on emotions but because the guys were wailing!

9. Cutting off certain people from my life. They were sucking out my spirits and happiness like Dementers rendering me glum and listless. The sun now seems brighter and the world a much better place to live in.

10. Clearing the University papers with kick-ass marks and clinching a job. I have never felt so proud of myself.

11. Admitting to the mistakes I have done only made me a stronger individual of steely grit.

12. Starting to read Bhagvad Gita made me more conscious of my actions.

13. Realizing that self-assurance is that invisible shield which will protect me from harsh people and their opinions.

14. Getting to know the difference between optimism and delusion.

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.”

No matter how terrible and horrendous 2010 was, you can never stop imagining and hoping good thing for the future. I am no different... So here's to a new year ushering in cheer and triumph over evil. Happy New Life to all!

Kid At The Mall

There are times when situations provide you with the answers for the questions whirling in your head. You open a book and you discover a line relevant to your life, Or there are times when a particular incident rescues from a dark labyrinth, holding your sweaty hand and reassuringly guiding towards light. I earnestly try to keep my senses receptive for such events or people who might help me get distracted, even if temporarily, from a depressing situation.

Considering that I burnt my fingers badly trusting the wrong kind of people, I spent(regretfully) a large portion of my life lamenting my inability to judge people correctly. I am still working on it but for the time being I have surrounded myself with lovely friends who regularly knock some sense in case I fall back in the previous pattern.

It was one of those bad days where even the weather was in complete harmony with my sulky, many, depressed self. I was waiting at a mall to catch up with a friend, a last-ditch attempt to elevate my sunken spirits. Being the overtly punctual person, I landed up earlier than planned and had nothing specific to do since window-shopping was a big no-no for me. I did want to get more down and out by pressing my oily nose against glass windows and yearn for the things which I cannot buy.

So I just roamed around the ground floor till the store attendants became wary of me taking rounds in the mall.Sadly, the benches were occupied and had to stand, eyes glued to the entrance for a spotting my friend. I noticed this slightly plump, hence cute kid helping himself to a generous scoop of ice cream. His parents were no where to be seen but it was the least of concerns for him as he relished the treat, licking off the ice cream dripping on his T-shirt.

It is this wonderful quality of kids to make you smile with their seemingly innocent acts and I felt better. As if by cue, he looked at me and smiled back as I saw him shift a bit using his weight to full advantage to shove the neighbour. And then he patted the space next to me, indicating for me to have a seat.

Dear cute kiddo, where ever you are, you got no idea how powerful your gesture was- injecting me with giddy happiness. I can't thank you enough for helping me not lose faith in love, kindness and humanity. Love you :)

F(l)abulous Me

I am on a stay-cation which means that I am foolish enough to stay at home even when I have the time to travel to interesting locations when the world around me is cribbing for a twenty four hour holiday from studies and work. Talk about irony of life.

A solo trip sounds so enticing, especially when I read about experiences o female travelers and I want to believe their verdict that it is relatively safe considering you don't act like a dunce and invite trouble. But the permission part from home and my own doubts about being on my own remains debatable.

Three months of warming the sofa and constant presence of food in the food cavity has resulted in a fatter me, though the effect is mostly visible on the cheeks. I am thankful for that since it makes my buck tooth less visible and not to forget it is good respite from being gaunt faced for so long. Also, it is a good cushion against illness since previously, I was at risk of disappearing owing to pounds I shed during the illness. Not any more!

I am loving this people of having people come up to me and saying that I have gained weight. This may surprise some but if you have spent all your life listening to people inquiring if I am sick on noticing my stick-thin figure, this is a welcome change. I recall one of those regular cat-fights on the train wherein the crowd was supporting me since an ungratefully moronic woman refused to let me space for fourth seat. Someone argued that I was size zero who took up minimum space and they sort of bullied her to adjust though that size zero thing stung me.

I am enjoying this experience of being plus sized since I know it is a short one. The reason being I have this amazing fat-burning power which kick starts once I start on some active work. For now, I am not at all missing the feeling of sitting uncomfortably on bony bums :)