Letter To The Past

Dear 16 year old Me, 

I may be interrupting your deep thoughts and serious contemplation about the future, after all you are at a point wherein you have to make the all important decision to choose your stream for junior college. And while you spend hours surfing the Internet and consulting countless people, I can only throw back my head and laugh heartily at the scale of the decision you had to take. Trust me, it is only the beginning - over the course of time, you will have to take decisions that are antagonistic to your nature yet essential at that moment. And since you have such a short attention span (I am sure you have switched windows to surf Orkut), I have listed some advice for you. Read, lady, read.

1. It is okay to get older, after all it happens only once a year, right? It is not wise to spend all of your birthday moping over the fact that time is flying by without you doing anything worthy of your life; you after all have the whole life ahead to think over this. Birthdays are going to get better if you choose to spend them with people who do not just want to have an extra helping of the cake but also your happiness.

2. While you keep hoping for a slight weight gain so that people stop calling you underweight, I advise you to be happy the way you are. The next few years you will gain quite a few kilos and then people will start calling you 'healthy'. Then you will make an attempt to shed some flab and then people will ask you if you are unwell. Opinions change, you should not.

3. Do not give up writing. Ever. It is one of the things that will keep you sane.

4. It is okay to get your heart broken; all you got to do is pick up the pieces, wipe your tears and vow never to cry for the same reason every again. Shit happens, you move on.

5. It is easy to separate the black characters from the white ones; it is the grey ones you should be wary of. You know, the two faced variety.

6. Click lots of photos, it does not need a great camera but a good eye to capture precious moments. Years from now on,when you stumble upon such photos, you would be grateful that you clicked them.

7. Tell people that you love them even though they might dismiss you as slightly(or certified) crazy. Call them out of the blue saying that you miss them, write them cute notes and make them feel wanted. There is no greater joy in the world than being told that someone loves you. 

8. Dance like no one is watching, dance like you do not care!

9. While you may not realize this now, it is very important to be yourself. Trust me, you cannot act like someone all your life, a point will come when you will realize the futility of this whole exercise. You are a bad actor so just quit the stage now.

10. Forgive. Because circumstances change and people do not always live up to your expectations. You will realize why it is important to give someone a second chance when you will need one yourself.

11. It is important for you to know that discovering new places does not require money; it is about teaming up with like-minded people who are willing to give you company  to survive on a shoe-string budget. Know this and you will be witness to some of the most lovely sunrises and sunsets.

12. Always laugh, sometimes it is all that you can do :). You do not have to be in control of every situation in your life, there is a certain sense of contentment in letting things go, to sit back and watch how things turn out. And they sure do turn out well.

13. 'This too shall pass', repeat this to yourself every time you are at a dead end. You will look back on the past and think how much you have sweated over the small things in life and regret the time wasted. Bad phases never last, it is your bad attitude that fuels the negative situation. You have to keep looking for signs telling you that it is enough and that the worst is over. What won't hurt you, will only make you stronger.

14. Do not have the Spicy Chicken from McDonalds; you will weep hot tears. Also, trying multiple flavors of Naturals ice-cream on the same day is not such a good idea.

15. Do not spend too much time on Facebook, but this advice is totally useless knowing that I am still have a window open right next to this one. :D

16. Lastly, never feel guilty about making yourself happy. There may come a choice when you have to choose between your own happiness and someone else's, but you do not have to be the martyr every time, do you? Everyone thinks about their own happiness and it is high time you did too, even though it means taking some hard decisions.

There, it is not that tough advice to stick to is it? You will continue to ignore many of them and make mistakes and I am glad that you will do so. After all, what is life without a few bruises and scratches? ;) ;)  

,Love

Shwetha

What would you want to tell your sixteen year old self? 

An Untold Story

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 32; the thirty-second edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The theme for the month is 'An Untold Story'

"So?"
"I did not tell him, if that is what you want to know."
"I know you are unsettled after meeting him, but it has been five years Disha. Don't you think he has a right to know that you still love him?"
"Riya, he has gone through enough since the time he heard about my marriage.  I do not want to drag him back to the depressing phase he went through. He has suffered enough because of me."
"But.... is he not the reason why you called off the engagement? Is he not the reason you waited patiently waited for him to return back to India so that you would be together? And for heaven's sake, what are you smiling about?"
Disha was smiling at the memory of seeing a flash of gold and it became clear later that the precious piece of metal was on his ring finger.
"Well, that will always remain an untold story", Disha sighed softly, knowing that she must learn to live with the loose ends throughout her life.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. Introduced By: Nikhil Patokar, Participation Count: 02

Visit Goa - Check.

It was Goa all over again for me in a span of 5 months, only this time it was driven by sheer desperation for a break. The earlier trip had a more touristy approach whereas the second trip was more aimed at chilling out and relaxing.

This relaxing bit was done in its true spirit when my cousin booked us in five star resort (I spent several restless nights wondering how a douche like me would fit in there) and driving all the way to Goa in a Jazz (very classy, I know).

So there I was, with two of my cousins cruising along the streets of Pune with a not-so-reliable navigator to guide us(The navigator actually proposed a route THROUGH a mountain, maybe there was a secret tunnel there. Hmmm. ). After a eight hour journey, which included a stopover for breakfast and soaking in the waterfalls at Amboli, we reached our hotel. I am sure the staff will talk about the girl who was gawking at anything and everything inside the hotel. I could actually see the beach through the lobby windows and smell the salt. And I think my heart skipped a beat when I stepped into the room. Can you blame me?

I have been craving for days when I could just sit back and watch life pass by me. There are a hundred things gnawing for my attention and I know that I cannot possibly sort them even if I put in all my energy. But to let things just be is not in my nature. As I lay back near the pool, curled up with a book watching an orange ball of fury sink across the horizon, I realized this is the closest I could get to relaxing. And what a feeling it is.

Good-natured bonding. Breakfast that makes you loosen a few buttons. Staring into nothingness while chilling at a shack. Sinking your feet into sand and hearing it scrunch Letting the salty breeze mess up your hair. That is Goa for me.

Back From Self-Imposed Exile

Exile sounds like a pretty good excuse for being absent from the blogging scene for the past few months. Only that it has been true. The last few months have be a smorgasbord of events, not necessarily good, and I tried not to write about them here because I did not want to vent out something I would later regret.


From where do I start now? I have been experiencing pre-quarter life crisis for some time. While the questions of where I am heading  has been constant at all phases of my life, it is restless feeling of not having done enough has been nagging me. I never set delusional targets for myself so it is pretty disappointing to see myself at the same place as last year.


To top it, my friends have moved to different locations out of India and it has started to sink in a month after they left. Suddenly, there are so many things left unsaid and so many hugs left pending. Guys, if you are reading this, I miss you terribly!


Suddenly, suddenly, I have come into the limelight for reasons I am not comfortable with. The big M factor has arrived in my life. My parents seem apparently burdened with finding a suitable groom for their daughter and I am burdened with the responsibility of making sure that my Facebook profile is non-controversial and does not, in any sense, make me appear rebellious and non-domesticated *snorts derisively*.

That day, I was chatting with a friend and cribbing about how I always manage to stay in control. That day, we went ice-skating. Except that it was not ice, it was deadly marble that could smash your skull (No kidding). While my friends were skating and crashing with reckless abandon, I was this cautious figure staying close to the railings. Before I knew, the time was up. Is this how my life is ultimately going to wind up? I still shudder at the thought.


So that is basically the last few months summed up in this post. I know it is not exactly happening but there comes a time in everyone's life when they have to sit down and sort their things into two piles - things they can live without and things they cannot. A point will come when they will have to ask themselves, "Do you really need this in your life?".

No one said growing up would be this eventful.

Goodbye

There are a hundred ways to say goodbye. But there is not one way to truly express how much it hurts to say it.

Puppy Endings

It takes an overwhelming moment to kick you out of a self-imposed reverie. Of late, things have been moving pretty fast and with the multitasking slowly affecting my health, it has been a crazy start to this year. Not that I am complaining, but there are some things that I miss so much. I miss staying up late and gobbling an entire book just because it is tough to keep it down; I miss watching back to back episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and How I Met Your Mother; I miss the smell of the musty watercolor paint box when I start painting; I miss the sane life. Unfortunately, there is not much I can do about it so the dull ache of memories is a constant companion.

Lately, I had something to look forward to - the friendly street dog had given birth to a puppy and was the cynosure of all eyes. Everyone would lean out of the window and watch with excitement as the puppy first opened his eyes, took the first steps and after a few days, bounced around happily.

The windows which had watched its progress each day now started dropping little pieces of biscuits, bread and  fish bones. The enterprising young kid in the building finally gave it a name - Guddu. It became a weekend ritual for me to go downstairs and sit besides him while he went around his daily activity of toppling over the water saucer, dig the lawn and look longingly at the windows for his treat.


Then one fine day, he disappeared. Guddu's mother's howls all night were a constant reminder of the pain and loss. It goes without saying that I was very upset by this turn of events; it felt as if every good thing in the world is meant to be temporary, ultimately meant to leave you with memories that would sustain happiness only for as long as your optimism lasts.


While I was contemplating putting up his picture on Facebook in case anyone spotted him, a familiar yelp had me rushing to the window. And there he was, looking upwards with a limp foot, a few scratches but the same bright eyes staring back at me. The milk-soaked bread came out, so did the biscuits and the water. So did our emotions of elation at seeing Guddu back with us. Good things being temporary is not always a bad thing, I suppose. They stay around us long enough to miss them when they are gone and realize what we will miss if we continue to make the same mistakes.

For now, it is all celebrations around me. The doctor has assured us it is not a fracture and Guddu is on the path to recovery. Here are the pics of the little tyke who made me write this post and update the blog after two long months :) It was a puppy ending after all.

Make a Bucket List - Check.

It is that time of the year when I draw up a bucket list. I usually choose this time because the hullabaloo surrounding the New Year would have died down( along with some resolutions) and you are in a better position to judge what actually is feasible and what not. There is a difference between a resolution and a dream- the former seems realizable in near future with some efforts whereas the latter requires you to go full steam such that it results in a 360 degree makeover of your life.

Enough ranting, with this I present to you my bucket list in no particular order:

*cheers, whistles and drum-rolls for effect*

1. Relearn driving

A gap of few months was enough to wipe out my driving skills off my semi-amnesic memory. Over the past few months, it has always been a choice between sleep and driving lessons and it is no surprise who scores here. I need to pull myself off the bed, grab the keys and burn the roads, baby!

2. Visit Goa

I am tired of liking friends' albums while I secretly envy them for being able to visit the place. I know it is over-hyped, overpriced and over-touristy, but the thought of sinking your feet in wet sand and soaking up the sun is too irresistible.

3. Learn a dance form

It has been years since I gave up competitive dancing and consequently the only healthy activity in my lifestyle. True, I let my hair down at parties, marriages and visarjans (basically any place offering an excuse to shake a leg) but I always have the regret that I never learnt any particular dance form. Salsa and contemporary has caught my fancy lately and I cannot get to wait started.

4. Learn a musical instrument

It is rather shameful that I am surrounded by talented musician friends who play piano, guitar, violin, flute, mouth organ and what not.Some of their craze for music has rubbed off on me and I hope to get started on one musical instrument, although I am still in a state of deliberation over the choice of instrument. Help me here, will you?

5. Watch a cricket match at the stadium

Yeah, I am yet to do that. I want to scream my lungs out and smear tricolor on my face and post crazy pictures on Facebook(Nowadays, the only reason we click is to share them on Facebook :D).

6. Wardrobe overhaul

It is true that my erm.. weight issues restrict the kind of clothes I wear but I am bored of my predictable,somewhat safe style of dressing. A dash of colour and a generous sprinkling of style is what I am looking for which means again I have to move out of my comfort zone.

7. Badminton

I have played the game for hours in my summer vacations when the building folks would gather to play under a mango tree and how racquets, sandals and what-not got entangled in the branches in a bid to rescue to shuttlecock.

8. Do something on the writing front!!!!!!!!!!

Till now, I was lamenting the absence of an idea or a story in my head to get started on the chapters. Should some idea muster enough courage to grab my attention, it would be trashed mercilessly by the critic in me and thrown away in the metaphorical wastepaper basket.

9. Gorge at Parsi cafes

I have this fascination for these quaint places which still give away an old-world feeling. Given by the rate at which the are shutting down, it makes sense to hurry up on this one item. And a long walk spent admiring the buildings of Fort would wrap up things beautifully.

10. Click-happy

I am drawn to peoples' faces- a crinkly smile, a contemplative pose... my photos revolve around people rather than landscapes. However, given the fact that I am too conscious/scared to click random strangers(I imagine someone running behind me,hurling abuses for clicking without their permission), the moments worth clicking are hard to come by. So again I need to push myself out of my comfort zone to overcome my shyness and capture the moment, consequences be damned.

So there, I made my list and now comes the most difficult part- ticking off items from it. I have this tendency to falter and leave things mid-way so that is when this blog comes in play to remind me why I made this list in the first place. Wish me luck!

Of Ironies and Paradoxes

The irony called life,
Wrestles a wistful smile from me,
For that path I wished not to tread,
Was the only one I could see.


Alone,
I walk away from happiness,
Fear that yearn I shall,
In moments of tears.

Two-edged sword memories are,
For they slay the ghosts of darkness,
And makes us ache,
For the people behind them.

The paradox called life,
Stares me in the eye,
Makes me feel like a nobody,
And a somebody at the same time.

~ Shwetha

Uncharted Territory.Cooking Adventures - I

No, no, I have been cooking for quite some time but this would be the first time I would share my adventures on this blog. Why so late, you ask? Firstly, the food I cook is more of the homely sort- something that was conjured up in minutes to satiate hunger pangs or oddly timed rumblings. Secondly, I do not have the proper camera to capture the cooking process, all I have is a 5 MP camera on my cellphone. Thirdly, ermm... I do not remember.

I decided to set my doubts aside(as a part of my new resolution to suppress the Doubting Daves in me) and go ahead with one of my favourite and surprisingly easy to make dish. I present to you *drum-rolls background music* Paneer Makhanwala

Disclaimer: This dish is not meant for consumption for the fainthearted who cannot tolerate calories or wrinkle their faces on seeing excess butter. This Punjabi dish needs to be made in the spirit of its place of origin-excessive, rich and flavorful. Also, excuse the bad quality pictures, theya re all I could manage.

Ingredients

• 1 cup chopped tomatoes
• 1 cup chopped onions
• 200 gm paneer(cottage cheese)
• 7-8 cashewnuts soaked in hot water and later ground to a paste.
• 1 tbsp. Kasuri methi
• 1 an half tbsp. red chilli powder
• 1 tsp. pepper powder
• 1 tsp. garam masala powder
• 1 tbsp. fresh cream
• 1 tbsp. butter
• 2-3 tbs. cooking oil
• salt to taste
• sugar (a pinch)

Steps

First heat the oil, add the onions and cook on low flame until translucent brown.

Add the tomatoes and cook until soft.

Turn off the flame, let the mixture cool and then grind it into a fine paste.

Next, heat butter in a pan, add Kasuri Methi(rub them in your palm, releases the aroma better), onion-tomato paste, red chilli powder(I use it generously to offset the sweetness of tomato and cashews),pepper powder, cashew paste and stir well. To make more gravy, add hot water to lighten the consistency. Lastly, add fresh cream and stir well.

Once the oil starts leaving the sides, add the paneer, salt, sugar and mix well. You can also add tomato puree for some tang but I like it spicy. Make sure to stir lightly beacause the paneer breaks up easily.Cook till it starts bubbling,then turn off the flame.

Voila! The dish is ready. Serve hot with phulkas or butter naans. Bon Appétit!