Wrapping It Up

The past is a funny thing. When I look back at all the not-so-happening episodes of my life, I itch to reverse time and do things differently. When I look back at all the moments oozing of happiness, I feel heavy with emotions since I never know if I would ever feel the same again.


This year I have decided to look at the past as a distant observer; this enables me to stay a step back but yet indulge in the flow of flashbacks, albeit with fewer emotions. It is improper of us to judge what is good and what is not with respect to the past since it has already rushed past us with little regard for our opinions now.


This list of the important events(in no particular order) in the year 2010 is my way of assuring myself that all things-good or bad have to come to a definite conclusion. If things are not ending the way you want to, well, there is always another year to fix it up!

1. Loving my cousins' kids. Three children are quite a handful but they never ceased to amaze me with their ability to make things appear so simple. It only made me love kids even more.

2. Climbing over a high divider to cross over to the other side of a bumper-to-bumper traffic afflicted highway.

3. Studying real hard with absolutely no expectations and being delighted when things turned out to be good.

4. Reading a dozen books even during exams. Earlier reading was a hobby; now it is my escape route from reality.

5. Dancing like hell with college friends till I was all huffy-puffy with the dust storms I kicked up on the college ground.

6. Indulging the foodie in me and gaining 8 k.g.s without an ounce of regret.

7. Dressing up in a sari. I never thought I would say this, but I am in love with this outfit. It makes me feel so... womanly. The baggy tee girl has finally grown up, I guess.

8. Weeping on college farewell party. Not because I was high on emotions but because the guys were wailing!

9. Cutting off certain people from my life. They were sucking out my spirits and happiness like Dementers rendering me glum and listless. The sun now seems brighter and the world a much better place to live in.

10. Clearing the University papers with kick-ass marks and clinching a job. I have never felt so proud of myself.

11. Admitting to the mistakes I have done only made me a stronger individual of steely grit.

12. Starting to read Bhagvad Gita made me more conscious of my actions.

13. Realizing that self-assurance is that invisible shield which will protect me from harsh people and their opinions.

14. Getting to know the difference between optimism and delusion.

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.”

No matter how terrible and horrendous 2010 was, you can never stop imagining and hoping good thing for the future. I am no different... So here's to a new year ushering in cheer and triumph over evil. Happy New Life to all!

Aakhir Queue?

The queue is a good indicator of how civilised a society is since it denotes to what degree the public shows conformity to discipline. The purpose of a queue is to ensure fair treatment by following a simple principle of first in, first out although certain section of people have an inverted conception of the same.


In India, the queue is a non-existent identity. People have much difficulty maintaining a queue which is created for their own good. In school, we were whip-lashed with the string of whistle by our sports teacher since we never managed a straight line and kept swapping places to be closer to our friends and chatting in huddles.


Whether it is a temple,railway station or doctor's clinic, there will be one eminent personality who dares to jump the line and all hell breaks loose. There will be a bunch of monkeys ready to repeat the action. It is amazing how we are ready to imitate the bad examples before us but never the good ones. We will easily pick up the smoking and foul language but never make an effort to replicate the sense of social responsibility of Mohan Bhargav in Swades.


It is precisely the reason why I have frequent bursts of anger mostly at the railway station. There would be someone who will approach me with a puppy face and a sad story explaining about them being in a tearing hurry owing to some emergency . Being the idiot that I am, I end up helping them and more often than not, I see the same person cooing with his/ her lover at some mall.


It seems that I have built a reputation as the messiah of late-runners as I have been approached numerous times while in queue to buy them a ticket. With every bit of effort contorting a reprimanding face, I have gathered enough courage to refuse them and ask them to join the queue.


Let me tell you, this line jumping runs across all classes. A laptop carrying and poker-straight-hair swishing corporate will have no qualms about using her charms to break the line while dissolving all opposition with mere fluttering of eyelashes. A good looking guy will smile his dazzling 32s and get his work done while some female is busy crooning over him. The railways have introduced smart cards and coupons so that people don't have to stand in a queue when they are in a tearing hurry. But these misers would not shell out some extra bucks for the convenience.


While all this drama is going on, most people like me are left feeling like fools while the real fools will go around boasting of their talent to jump the queue. My message to them- Grow up you uncivilised dork! Being able to cheat is no real talent and when you go around loud-mouthing about your exploits, you are only portraying yourself as an uncivilized creature. You wouldn't dare repeating the stunt in some developed country, would you, you two-faced coward?

Disappointment

Today is not the day. Just not the day I was hoping for.... Another cycle of futile waiting and hoping against hope for something to land in my inbox. I need to constantly remind myself that patience is my biggest virtue and now it is put to test. I have to continue being strong. Tomorrow will be the day hopefully....

There Are Times....

.... when I just want time to move ahead fast enough so all I can see is an imperceptible blur. I just wish to be in the time few months from now and shake off my present memories as a bad dream.

Endless period of waiting does you no good.Whenever I make up my mind and prepare my mind for the worst, a sign appears on the horizon and as I rush forward to grab it but all that I am left with are unanswered questions and unspoken agony.

Hopefully, tomorrow would be an end to my misery. I refuse to give up my optimism even though it has lost touch with reality. I hope to merge them soon. Tomorrow would be the day hopefully......

Someone Up There Has Got a Bad Sense of Humour

When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.
-Paulo Coelho in The Alchemist

When you don't get something, all the universe conspires in mocking you.
-Shwetha

It is easy to dismiss this as mere coincidence but with the number of times I have run into information eyeing you with a mix of mock disdain and pity, you can't turn a blind eye. Everything I hear and see seems to be about travelling.


I love travelling and the love stems from my curiosity for new cultures rather than new places. So while for some, travelling implies checking out a new area or a new mall, for me, the definition is to set off exploring a place culturally different from the ones I have visited before.


First, the television kept broadcasting shows in which the skinny host waxed eloquent about the destination. I diligently avoided the travel channels but to my misfortune,even the news channels were party to my ragging with the prime airtime dedicated to plump and pimply television stars visiting shrines with picturesque scenery adoring the background.


Being an avid reader(bookworm sounds geeky so won't be using the term for myself), three newspapers drop heavily inside my home to be received eagerly by a restless me. But nowadays, I dread to open the pages because they are flooded with snaps of postcard-perfect locations. As if that was not enough, some newspapers run weekly pull-outs dedicated exclusively to travel. Not amusing. Not amusing at all.


I have now started receiving SMS ads like "Trip to Srinagar for just Rs. 29,999!!" and "Visit the hottest destination this season- Andaman and Nicobar islands. Contact blah". How the hell did they know about my dream destinations? And they got the cheek to message and lure me with dreamy holiday SMSes. Grrrrr.


If that was not enough,strangers swoop down on me and vomit details of some overseas trip they undertook recently while I squirm uncomfortably, wishing for a moment, that I was deaf. And blind too, when I see them post pretty snaps on Facebook.


So what is the problem, you ask? Company, I say. Correction- good company. While I wait for my joining date, the people whom I consider good company have started working with a gruelling nine-to-five schedule. I am pretty sympathetic to their condition and don't have enough heart to deprive them of weekends reserved for catching up on much needed slumber.


Solo trips are a fancy idea, but they are just that- fancy, not practical. I can't expect my parents to fish out a generous sum to sponsor some crazy solo trip of their graduated-but-not-yet-started-working daughter. As parents, I do not expect them to throw caution to the winds and bid me adieu at the railway station while their daughter goes out alone. Though I believe the situation might have been different if I was of opposite gender. Sigh.


I can still cope with the feeling of being static and passive and somehow, grudgingly, accept the fact that I may not get a chance to go on a full-blown touristy kind holiday. But I simply cannot bear the prospect of facing these ads,articles and other stuff related to travelling. Please, spare me the hurt :(

Celebrations

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 16; the sixteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Ira was the quintessential trophy wife married to a wealthy person who unfailingly, each day, reminded Ira that if it wasn't for him, she would be languishing in the lower middle class community. Two months into the marriage,Ira had her brush with domestic abuse- she was kicked mercilessly and roughed up for opposing to his 'business meetings' with a certain struggling actress. She had to use make up as a crutch to cover up the bruises and scratches while the dark glasses hid her sore eyes. She continued with this ritual till she landed her in hospital with a broken rib and a host of injuries.

The divorce had been swift and Ira only demanded freedom as alimony.The hissing pressure cooker startled Ira back to reality and she cursed herself for wasting away a considerable chunk of her time in front of the mirror. She ran a hand over her face appreciating the uniform colour except for a few dark spots. She applied a dab of lip gloss and tied her hair up and looked approvingly at her image. She hated make up but had to grudgingly accept it as her saviour during those times.A few years ago, she had dumped the entire make up kit into the trash bin along with the two dark glasses- grim reminders of her abusive past. Dumping them felt like sweet victory and she felt thrilled to see the bruises fade each passing day, the aches disappearing enabling her to move without grimacing.

She entered the kitchen and the air flooded with the aroma of biryani on opening the cooker. Ira scooped out a large portion and enjoyed the treat in thoughtful silence sitting at the balcony offering a panoramic view of the city. This day, three years ago, she was holding onto her marriage, trying to salvage it from certain failure. Three years on, she was thankful to her will power which helped her leave behind her life of abuses, sleepless nights and weepy days. Today was her own personal celebration..... of life.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Kid At The Mall

There are times when situations provide you with the answers for the questions whirling in your head. You open a book and you discover a line relevant to your life, Or there are times when a particular incident rescues from a dark labyrinth, holding your sweaty hand and reassuringly guiding towards light. I earnestly try to keep my senses receptive for such events or people who might help me get distracted, even if temporarily, from a depressing situation.

Considering that I burnt my fingers badly trusting the wrong kind of people, I spent(regretfully) a large portion of my life lamenting my inability to judge people correctly. I am still working on it but for the time being I have surrounded myself with lovely friends who regularly knock some sense in case I fall back in the previous pattern.

It was one of those bad days where even the weather was in complete harmony with my sulky, many, depressed self. I was waiting at a mall to catch up with a friend, a last-ditch attempt to elevate my sunken spirits. Being the overtly punctual person, I landed up earlier than planned and had nothing specific to do since window-shopping was a big no-no for me. I did want to get more down and out by pressing my oily nose against glass windows and yearn for the things which I cannot buy.

So I just roamed around the ground floor till the store attendants became wary of me taking rounds in the mall.Sadly, the benches were occupied and had to stand, eyes glued to the entrance for a spotting my friend. I noticed this slightly plump, hence cute kid helping himself to a generous scoop of ice cream. His parents were no where to be seen but it was the least of concerns for him as he relished the treat, licking off the ice cream dripping on his T-shirt.

It is this wonderful quality of kids to make you smile with their seemingly innocent acts and I felt better. As if by cue, he looked at me and smiled back as I saw him shift a bit using his weight to full advantage to shove the neighbour. And then he patted the space next to me, indicating for me to have a seat.

Dear cute kiddo, where ever you are, you got no idea how powerful your gesture was- injecting me with giddy happiness. I can't thank you enough for helping me not lose faith in love, kindness and humanity. Love you :)