Little Pockets of Hope

"Hope" is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soulAnd sings the tune without the wordsAnd never stops at allAnd sweetest in the Gale is heardAnd sore must be the stormThat could abash the little BirdThat kept so many warmI've heard it in the chillest landAnd on the strangest SeaYet, never, in Extremity,It asked a crumb of Me.~Emily Dickinson

It has happened so on numerous occasions that I tuck my hands in my pocket only to discover a princely ten rupees note or a toffee or a train ticket with some memorable journey printed on it. It never ceases to amaze me that such a tiny discovery can make you smile or take you back in time. It has all but reinforced one life lesson- When in doubt, look within!

There have been desperate times when I am so unclear about what to do and just like that, I stare pensively out of the window only to hear 'Tu Na Jaane Aas Pass Hai Khuda' stream in melodies into me. Or when I am travelling in an auto, mulling over some issue, when I see a Scorpio pass by, with a picture my favorite deity plastered on the window. Or when I am in a particularly upset over a tiff when the timeline throws up a tweet 'There is never a moment when God is not in control', asking me to let go. Or when I am sitting dejected in the hall, absentmindedly surfing channels, when the neighbor's two year old kid walks in and takes my hand, as if acknowledging my pain.

I cling to these little moments of hope and they seem to have immense potential to rescue me from the dungeons of gloom. Over so many years, I have seen my attitude towards bad times undergo noticeable, if not radical, change. Someone else might have dismissed the kid's action as merely a cute gesture but I chose to look at it differently- it was more of a positive sign offering much needed assurance as I saw it. But believe me, they go a long way in uplifting your mood and in a way, your circumstances.

At some point, we all need our 'Aal iz well' moments in life. All you need to do is look into your pockets for that one sign. Go search yours.

A Road Trip Of My Own

Note: The following events took place over a period of ten hours and covered five malls spread across central Mumbai.

I was suffering from a dry spell of movies and in general entertainment. The last movie I watched was Dum Maro Dum (duh!) in a nondescript theater in Gandhinagar. After months of wasting away my weekends simply sleeping(who feels to step out in the rains and get drenched and smell musty all day?) , we made a plan to watch Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. Although it did appear to belong to the live-your-life-to-the-fullest genre of movies which I completely detest, but the idea of having Hrithik, Farhan and Abhay as serious eye candy seemed too appealing to resist.

At around eleven, I left for the railway station only to realise that the Mega Block had begun, leaving me with no option but to take the bus. It goes without saying that I hate travelling by bus- the smoke, dust, smelly seat and an irritated conductor is not something you would look forward to. The bus screeched to a halt after I waited for more than thirty minutes, but not before slathering me with mud. My very own Tomatino festival happened right there.

After managing to get a window seat, I was unceremoniously asked to vacate it after a not-so-senior uncle pointed that the seat is reserved for senior citizens, leaving me flustered. After what seemed like an hour, I got down and started racing towards the station, almost got run over by a nasty bus with an equally nasty driver only to realise the train has been cancelled. Grrrrr-1.

Somehow I managed to reach Thane and joined my friends in an auto and headed to Korum Mall. Midway, I was told there were no tickets available so we steered the auto to Eternity Mall. No luck there too. I felt like the biggest idiot expecting to get my hands on six tickets on a Sunday in a multiplex. Bah.

Still not losing hope, we reached RMall, Mulund only to realise the female ahead of us had snagged the last five precious tickets. Next stop Nirmal Lifestyles and I am at risk of sounding repetitive. Tired, the guys finally decided to give Dreams, Bhandup a try before giving up and we were asked to stay back to avoid the whole headache of travelling.

Fufmil was apparently our bodyguard *laughs violently* and he warned us to not get all girly and irritate him. A minute later he was scampering off to catch up with the guys only because I said I craved for an ice cream. Guys, really. *rolls her eyes*

Finally, finally we managed to get tickets and it was worth all the trouble. We had the front seats which meant tilting our head in awkward angles to see clearly and involved noisy seat adjustments. We managed to embarrass fellow movie-goers with non-veg jokes and raucous laugh. It was a good day, that is all I can say. A good day after so many forgettable days.

First Steps

A lot has happened since I returned back to Mumbai. You know that saying about life balancing out everything? It seems to be so true. I managed to get a wonderful project with the downside of spending four hours in travelling. Thankfully, I do not have to face the wrath of rush hour since I leave for office pretty early and arrive home equally late.

This goes without saying that the weekends now have the status of festivals- sacred, brief and highly revered. I am now a miser when it comes to spending time on chores and meeting people, much to the agony of relatives and friends.

Sadly, I am yet to perfect the art of time management considering how pressed for time I usually am. The to-do list is hardly glanced at in the course of the day and as a consequence most of the items remain unchecked.

Oh, did I tell you about the rush of feel-good hormones on seeing the salary arrive in your account? Knowing that you are financially independent is a huge reassurance altogether especially when you have striven for four years to achieve it.

I know my writing might seem a bit haywire but I am pouring my random thoughts together with the hope it makes some sense to you. I believe writing things down is the best way to take stock of your life, it gives you a third-person dimension to your perception about the proceedings of life and may help me chalk out a plan for future. Till then, I shall go with the flow hoping that whatever happens is for the best.

I can' t continue....

.. with the rest of the chapters. I had it all written in my office email drafts but when the mailbox moved to another server, the folder was empty. I do not have the courage to write down eight more posts and I believe it would not be as good as the original.

Sorry readers, I shall write on other topics but not Gujarat diaries. But here is a brief account of my stint away from home :

The training schedules redefined the word 'hectic' for me. I was intimidated by the enormity of the organisation I was working for and the struggle I would have to undergo to create a niche for myself. Strangely though, I was not getting as worked up as I normally would have.

Hostel was the best and the worst thing that happened to me. Best because of the freedom it gave me and worst because of the resulting addiction to free life. I enjoyed the luxury of going out for a walk without having to think of a suitable reason, something that I never had the chance to enjoy. I am a full blown gambler now thanks to the numerous nights spent playing cards and inventing silly rules.

It is comforting to be in a place where people are as lost as you. We were a bunch of two hundred people seeking friends and familiarity, in spite of knowing that we won't ever meet most of them once we move out of the hostel. But I am still hopeful of bumping into a few of them, someday.

I got allocated to Mumbai just when I was getting sick of the food and the heat and the next thing I remember is leaving the hostel with a lot of memories, a few of them unfortunately tainted with misgivings. I hate goodbyes and this one I hated the most because it was saying good bye to a life which was different- not happy, not sad but different. I still have a long way to go, but I shall always remember this phase as the one in which I realized why it is necessary to prioritize everything in life- events, decisions and people as well.

It has been two months since I moved back to my city and it feels as if I never left. As I alighted from the train, I was silently reciting the timings of the trains I usually took. My hibernating senses helped me recognize the sights and sounds I grew up with. And I felt so....alive. Mumbai, I am back. And I am loving it.

Chapter 1- The First Steps

The toughest thing to say is a goodbye and strangely I find it easier to say it to people than your town. With people, you are hopeful of bumping into them someday but the town remains stoic and rooted, willing you to return back as you search for familiarity in an alien city.

The crossed out dates formed a mosaic on the calendar and with the big leap day inching forward, I found myself experiencing varied emotions- the fresh air of independence mingled with the smell of uncertainty. All I knew was that I had taken the leap of faith, I could either soar or land into a dump.

As the taxi jerked at the signal, I was grateful for the extra time to gape at the historic buildings in CST. The countless sculptures and carvings adorning the buildings added a soft touch to its mammoth structure. As the train pulled into Mumbai Central station, I kept asking myself, "Why am I leaving this beautiful city for something unknown?"

The station was a familiar scene of chaos and was lucky enough to spot my friends looking as lost as I was. Warm hugs, teary farewells, promises to keep in touch, gifts, thank you's and waving till the station went out of sight......Amid all this, I kept asking myself, ""Why am I leaving this beautiful city for something unknown?"

That's Me Is Back!

After more than three months away from this blog, I feel a bit rusty writing this post. All through the three months, I have been itching to share my life at Gandhinagar and most importantly my first experience of hostel life. Every time I went to the cyber cafe with the intention of sharing my experiences on the blog, I ended up googling pictures of Mumbai and staring at them for the longest time possible. This kept happening every single week and ultimately I gave up trying to write a post and renounced the virtual world.

Starting from today, I plan to chronicle my life since the past three months (though my memory might act hostile) and try to make up for the lost time. Happy reading!

Finally.

Remember my previous lame attempt at being mysterious? I call it lame because most of my friends guessed it, although they were kind enough not to disclose it on the blog. Keeping a secret is like controlling the urge to pee-you can barely manage to hold it inside and ultimately it has to come out.

The big news is that I am moving to Ahmedabad for my job training which according to me is, inBarney Stinson's words, legendary. It is such a big leap for me that I sometimes get intimidated by the enormity of the situation. I spent seven excruciating months trying to figure out when the mail containing my joining details will greet me in the inbox and when it finally does, it feels like the end of a chapter and the beginning of a new one.

The last time I was away from home was during my industrial(?) visit to Delhi and Nainital and that lasted for ten days. And now suddenly, I am moving away to work at an alien city with no certainty over the time period.

I spent the first few days in my own bubble, conjuring up plans so that my path to independence is not a bumpy one. The thought of unlimited shopping with a very valid excuse was enough to keep me stoned for a few more days.

But now as the D-day draws closer, all the excitement is overcast with clouds of uncertainty and self-doubt. 'Will I be able to pull it off?' is a question that keeps popping in my head with increasing frequency. Being the optimist that I am, I am holding strong to the belief that I am going to rock my training.

I am not going to include the part about how much I am going to miss home, friends, and my sleepy town because it makes me all weepy *blows her nose*. But I am going to surely mention missing my blog because it was the only thing which kept me sane during those seven hard months. It might happen that there will be a drought of posts for a few days here but I promise to return to my love as soon as I am settled into the routine. Dear readers, thanks for keeping up with me through thick and thin, complimenting me even when the posts were mediocre and a huge thanks for helping me discover my love for writing. Together, you and I have seen this blog grow older and hopefully wiser over the years.

That's Me will be on a break for a few weeks but I promise to flood it with posts chronicling about my giant leap of faith in a new city and surrounded by new people. Stay tuned to this space for more. Till then, goodbye folks :)

P.S. If this post appears incoherent, jumbled, wayward and jumpy, then may be you are right because that is my current state of mind.

P.S. again- Will be leaving for Ahmedabad on the night of 5th March. I forgot to mention it anywhere in the post. Bon Voyage!