Visit Goa - Check.

It was Goa all over again for me in a span of 5 months, only this time it was driven by sheer desperation for a break. The earlier trip had a more touristy approach whereas the second trip was more aimed at chilling out and relaxing.

This relaxing bit was done in its true spirit when my cousin booked us in five star resort (I spent several restless nights wondering how a douche like me would fit in there) and driving all the way to Goa in a Jazz (very classy, I know).

So there I was, with two of my cousins cruising along the streets of Pune with a not-so-reliable navigator to guide us(The navigator actually proposed a route THROUGH a mountain, maybe there was a secret tunnel there. Hmmm. ). After a eight hour journey, which included a stopover for breakfast and soaking in the waterfalls at Amboli, we reached our hotel. I am sure the staff will talk about the girl who was gawking at anything and everything inside the hotel. I could actually see the beach through the lobby windows and smell the salt. And I think my heart skipped a beat when I stepped into the room. Can you blame me?

I have been craving for days when I could just sit back and watch life pass by me. There are a hundred things gnawing for my attention and I know that I cannot possibly sort them even if I put in all my energy. But to let things just be is not in my nature. As I lay back near the pool, curled up with a book watching an orange ball of fury sink across the horizon, I realized this is the closest I could get to relaxing. And what a feeling it is.

Good-natured bonding. Breakfast that makes you loosen a few buttons. Staring into nothingness while chilling at a shack. Sinking your feet into sand and hearing it scrunch Letting the salty breeze mess up your hair. That is Goa for me.

Make a Bucket List - Check.

It is that time of the year when I draw up a bucket list. I usually choose this time because the hullabaloo surrounding the New Year would have died down( along with some resolutions) and you are in a better position to judge what actually is feasible and what not. There is a difference between a resolution and a dream- the former seems realizable in near future with some efforts whereas the latter requires you to go full steam such that it results in a 360 degree makeover of your life.

Enough ranting, with this I present to you my bucket list in no particular order:

*cheers, whistles and drum-rolls for effect*

1. Relearn driving

A gap of few months was enough to wipe out my driving skills off my semi-amnesic memory. Over the past few months, it has always been a choice between sleep and driving lessons and it is no surprise who scores here. I need to pull myself off the bed, grab the keys and burn the roads, baby!

2. Visit Goa

I am tired of liking friends' albums while I secretly envy them for being able to visit the place. I know it is over-hyped, overpriced and over-touristy, but the thought of sinking your feet in wet sand and soaking up the sun is too irresistible.

3. Learn a dance form

It has been years since I gave up competitive dancing and consequently the only healthy activity in my lifestyle. True, I let my hair down at parties, marriages and visarjans (basically any place offering an excuse to shake a leg) but I always have the regret that I never learnt any particular dance form. Salsa and contemporary has caught my fancy lately and I cannot get to wait started.

4. Learn a musical instrument

It is rather shameful that I am surrounded by talented musician friends who play piano, guitar, violin, flute, mouth organ and what not.Some of their craze for music has rubbed off on me and I hope to get started on one musical instrument, although I am still in a state of deliberation over the choice of instrument. Help me here, will you?

5. Watch a cricket match at the stadium

Yeah, I am yet to do that. I want to scream my lungs out and smear tricolor on my face and post crazy pictures on Facebook(Nowadays, the only reason we click is to share them on Facebook :D).

6. Wardrobe overhaul

It is true that my erm.. weight issues restrict the kind of clothes I wear but I am bored of my predictable,somewhat safe style of dressing. A dash of colour and a generous sprinkling of style is what I am looking for which means again I have to move out of my comfort zone.

7. Badminton

I have played the game for hours in my summer vacations when the building folks would gather to play under a mango tree and how racquets, sandals and what-not got entangled in the branches in a bid to rescue to shuttlecock.

8. Do something on the writing front!!!!!!!!!!

Till now, I was lamenting the absence of an idea or a story in my head to get started on the chapters. Should some idea muster enough courage to grab my attention, it would be trashed mercilessly by the critic in me and thrown away in the metaphorical wastepaper basket.

9. Gorge at Parsi cafes

I have this fascination for these quaint places which still give away an old-world feeling. Given by the rate at which the are shutting down, it makes sense to hurry up on this one item. And a long walk spent admiring the buildings of Fort would wrap up things beautifully.

10. Click-happy

I am drawn to peoples' faces- a crinkly smile, a contemplative pose... my photos revolve around people rather than landscapes. However, given the fact that I am too conscious/scared to click random strangers(I imagine someone running behind me,hurling abuses for clicking without their permission), the moments worth clicking are hard to come by. So again I need to push myself out of my comfort zone to overcome my shyness and capture the moment, consequences be damned.

So there, I made my list and now comes the most difficult part- ticking off items from it. I have this tendency to falter and leave things mid-way so that is when this blog comes in play to remind me why I made this list in the first place. Wish me luck!

Evident From My Blog Title

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.

~Anatole France

Life has a strange timing of granting your wishes- it makes them come true when you are spewing cynicism and the light at the end of the tunnel seems like another mirage. The break that I have been cribbing about landed on my lap when I had come to accept the monotony of my life.

Although the planning had been on for a week, given my reputation of flopped plans [:D], I tried not to get overtly excited about the whole thing. As the week progressed, I saw the location change three times and the number of people dwindle from ten to five. Had it not been for a very determined group of five people desperate to make it a success, this trip would never had happened. And I am glad, it did not fall apart.

We did the usual touristy things- roamed around the market, shopped for sovereigns, saw the same mountain from five different points/locations and went boating. There were moments when we simply sat on the edge, looked across the horizon, five people lost in thoughts and musings of their own.

I realised I travel differently- the excitement of seeking familiarity is more than that of discovering new places. Here, staring out of the window opening to a postcard-perfect view, I could not help thinking about settling there and writing a book, roaming around on cold mornings in the twisted alleys, cupping hot tea glasses for warmth and reading Robert Frost poems in the dead of night.

My memories are not of the perfect landscapes I witnessed but of laughing till my sides hurt, of endless brooding over life's unnecessary complications, of comfortable silences and of feeling something stir within. This is what I seek in a trip and from what I know, the journey has just begun.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -

I took the one less traveled by

And that has made all the difference.

~ Robert Frost

I Remember...

.. the time when I was a kid (and that seems like a century ago), I was so obsessed about saving things for the future. To cite an example, my siblings and I used to get this small pack of Frooti when the summer heat got unbearable- a luxury those days. While the rest of the gang would gulp it down greedily, I would finish off a quarter of the mango drink and hide the pack in the refrigerator so that it could be relished later. The next day, unfortunately, the Frooti pack was never to be seen and I spent the rest of the day questioning the suspects and cursing myself for such damaging foresight.

Now that I think of it, I realise what a waste of efforts saving for the future is. You postpone that holiday thinking you would go for it when you have a fatter bank balance; you go in for graduating in something you are not interested in, thinking that you shall follow your heart after getting a 'safe' degree; you procrastinate checking with the doctor for that achy feeling in your knees because you are too scared what might turn up... we push everything for the future without even knowing if it exists. When I get old, I do not want to end up sighing over the things I could have done and mulling over how life would have been if only I had listened to my heart. It is time to take stock of my life.

First Steps

A lot has happened since I returned back to Mumbai. You know that saying about life balancing out everything? It seems to be so true. I managed to get a wonderful project with the downside of spending four hours in travelling. Thankfully, I do not have to face the wrath of rush hour since I leave for office pretty early and arrive home equally late.

This goes without saying that the weekends now have the status of festivals- sacred, brief and highly revered. I am now a miser when it comes to spending time on chores and meeting people, much to the agony of relatives and friends.

Sadly, I am yet to perfect the art of time management considering how pressed for time I usually am. The to-do list is hardly glanced at in the course of the day and as a consequence most of the items remain unchecked.

Oh, did I tell you about the rush of feel-good hormones on seeing the salary arrive in your account? Knowing that you are financially independent is a huge reassurance altogether especially when you have striven for four years to achieve it.

I know my writing might seem a bit haywire but I am pouring my random thoughts together with the hope it makes some sense to you. I believe writing things down is the best way to take stock of your life, it gives you a third-person dimension to your perception about the proceedings of life and may help me chalk out a plan for future. Till then, I shall go with the flow hoping that whatever happens is for the best.

Finally.

Remember my previous lame attempt at being mysterious? I call it lame because most of my friends guessed it, although they were kind enough not to disclose it on the blog. Keeping a secret is like controlling the urge to pee-you can barely manage to hold it inside and ultimately it has to come out.

The big news is that I am moving to Ahmedabad for my job training which according to me is, inBarney Stinson's words, legendary. It is such a big leap for me that I sometimes get intimidated by the enormity of the situation. I spent seven excruciating months trying to figure out when the mail containing my joining details will greet me in the inbox and when it finally does, it feels like the end of a chapter and the beginning of a new one.

The last time I was away from home was during my industrial(?) visit to Delhi and Nainital and that lasted for ten days. And now suddenly, I am moving away to work at an alien city with no certainty over the time period.

I spent the first few days in my own bubble, conjuring up plans so that my path to independence is not a bumpy one. The thought of unlimited shopping with a very valid excuse was enough to keep me stoned for a few more days.

But now as the D-day draws closer, all the excitement is overcast with clouds of uncertainty and self-doubt. 'Will I be able to pull it off?' is a question that keeps popping in my head with increasing frequency. Being the optimist that I am, I am holding strong to the belief that I am going to rock my training.

I am not going to include the part about how much I am going to miss home, friends, and my sleepy town because it makes me all weepy *blows her nose*. But I am going to surely mention missing my blog because it was the only thing which kept me sane during those seven hard months. It might happen that there will be a drought of posts for a few days here but I promise to return to my love as soon as I am settled into the routine. Dear readers, thanks for keeping up with me through thick and thin, complimenting me even when the posts were mediocre and a huge thanks for helping me discover my love for writing. Together, you and I have seen this blog grow older and hopefully wiser over the years.

That's Me will be on a break for a few weeks but I promise to flood it with posts chronicling about my giant leap of faith in a new city and surrounded by new people. Stay tuned to this space for more. Till then, goodbye folks :)

P.S. If this post appears incoherent, jumbled, wayward and jumpy, then may be you are right because that is my current state of mind.

P.S. again- Will be leaving for Ahmedabad on the night of 5th March. I forgot to mention it anywhere in the post. Bon Voyage!

Psst...

Remember my previous depressing post #1 and #2 ? I usually don't try to post when I am feeling blue since I fear I might end up saying things I don't mean to. Plus some people interpret it the completely inverted way and the explanation part is boggling.

So I am pleased to announce that the source of my depression(?) has vanished into thin air. The mail I was expecting finally landed into the refreshed-at-alarming-intervals inbox and it took days for the news to sink in. It was that good!

Although, you dear readers, might have to wait a little more time to know what exactly I was anxiously waiting for. I got it after so much struggle that I won't acknowledge the sweet victory till I am only a few days away from clinching it. I know, I know, it is too much of a suspense but I have the dubious distinction of being the person with record number of plans falling flat on their faces. So like a superstitious old woman, I will keep it under wraps till the right time arrives. Keep :)

Pet Peeves

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray attempts to demarcate problem areas for men and women by pointing out essential differences and I must say he has done a good job. The book uses waves as a metaphor for women, with crests representing the phases wherein the XX species are in cheerful disposition and troughs representing the sulky aura we put up sometimes. No prizes for guessing which phase I am in.

I have been religiously ranting on the blog since it is therapeutic and much better than conjuring up violent plans to eliminate the source of irritation who most often that not is a person than an incident. So in keeping up with the spirit of sulkiness and my dark mood, I present to you this list who continue to grate my nerves and instigate violent reaction from me.

1. Loud people

I have never understood why there is a need to yell and get all agitated to drive home a point. Most of the time it turns out to be useless babble and the times it is something worth listening, your ear drums have suffered permanent damage.

2. Spit-happy people

When I see them color the town red, I have this permanent desire to repeat the action at their house.

3. The roadblocks

These are the people who will constantly stand in your way and commendably perform the job of a detractor.Constantly throwing up oppositions to your ideas and indulging in fault-finding, these people never go far in life and they wish the same for everyone around. Steer clear, I say.

4. Honking cars

Dude, you know there is a traffic jam ahead, your honking won't magically make it disappear, right?

5. Plain impractical people

They will suggest the most impractical plans but will not take up responsibility for it. If they have such great plans, maybe they could start with showing a bit of conviction na?

6. Water- babies

These people will behave like fishes who might just die if they are separated from water. With unfailing regularity, they will water their cars or flood the lawns without giving a damn to the wastage. I have seen nut cases around who will not relax their regime even during a water crisis while the upper floor residents wait for water to be pumped up to their tanks. Selfish, idiotic and narcissists are the keywords for them.

7. Fevicol varieties

These people are unfortunately under the illusion that the world is going to actually end in 2012 and as a result, are always in a hurry to know more about you, never mind the fact that you have been introduced only a moment ago. I am a very guarded person who loves her privacy while taking my own sweet time to open up. But if someone is under the impression that I will pop open audibly as a soda bottle, then it becomes necessary to make yourself clear.

8. I-am-so-great types

No description needed since everyone detests them. Except may be the cronies they are surrounded with.

I could go on and on, but it only shoots up my BP even thinking about such people *breathe in* *breathe out*. I have had enough of them and if you have in some way irritated me, you can be rest assured you have made it to the list.

Art of Living- Day 3

I must say I softened up a bit after the previous day's surprise birthday celebration and I saw the initial signs of enthusiasm which prodded me to attend the last day of the workshop. Thanks to my neighbor, I arrived late at the venue and one certain volunteer was rubbing her hands in glee at the fine amount to be imposed on us. Turns out, I had five more people for company and everyone argued voraciously. Apparently, she

was just kidding and we went in to see a game in progress resembling 'Fire in the mountain' childhood game.

I forgot to add yesterday that some newspaper would be covering the event and everyone turned out in their best outfits.Including me. After the usual round of breathing exercises, we settled down to hear a few more teachings.

Now comes the really funny part. We were placed in front of a participant (of same gender!!!!!!!) and asked to look into their eyes while some song played in the background. Trust me it was really embarrassing and to make matters worse, we had to repeat the exercise with two more people. The whole exercise could be described in a single word- AWKWARD. I sighed audibly when it came to an end but groans followed soon when we were asked to close our eyes. And dance.

Now, I do dance with gay abandon when no one is at home and I don't care how terrible my steps are, for the simple reason that no one is watching. How do they expect me to dance freely when I am being watched by the volunteers? Trust me, it was not a good experience for me since I was waiting for the song to get over.

The workshop ended on a good note with the last activity wherein we were handed out paper plates. Now everyone was supposed to compliment each other on the basis of our interaction in the past few days. Trust me, there is nothing more liberating than letting go of all our preconceived negative impressions and prejudices about a person and giving their positive aspects more weight in your thoughts. There was this really nice energy coursing through me as I penned down a word of praise for each one of them. It felt.......awesome!

So go ahead and repeat this exercise with your friends and believe me, the greatest benefactor will you. Go fish out those paper plates and let me know about your experience :)

Art of Living- Day 2

So after the disappointment of the first day, I was in no mood to attends the next day's session. To crumble my already weak willpower, my neighbor who had enrolled with me for the course simply refused to attend any more. Seems he have had enough of it since he was enrolled against his wishes for the course plus the first day was too much for him to take. But being the paisa vasool karo attitude girl that I am, I decided to complete it and attend the remaining days too. Surprisingly, he went a change of heart by evening and agreed to give me company.

The second day began with the breathing exercises but I was pleased with myself since my threshold for pain had increase and could carry on with the exercises with minimal pain. Something to cheer about definitely :)

The rest of the session was nothing out of the ordinary and we learnt a few more sutras which were practical enough. It is strange knowing that what we were advised to implement in real life sounded so obvious but it is the case of easier said than done.

Now as we moved towards the end of second day's session, we were asked to close our eyes(what is up with this closing eyes part. It is done with such regularity that now it seems more of a chore) and were told that it is someone's special day. Obviously Gandhiji, I thought since it was October 2. I was pleasantly surprised to see a drool-inducing cake in front of us and was more surprised to hear we we had a birthday boy in our midst. This one sweet gesture by the organizers was enough to lighten up my uninterested state of mind and I had a deliriously happy time.

All is well that ends well I say! :)

Art of Living- Day 1

As promised earlier, I am writing about my experience about the Art of Living course which was designed specially for the youth called YES+. I had heard quite a few rave reviews about it and considering the utter disarray my mind was in, I gave it a shot.

The instructor was a young female and was surprised to see a normal crowd because I was half expecting overtly spiritual people with serene looks on their faces. The first exercise was introducing yourself to the participants. Now here is the catch- You hold hands with that person and say, "My name is ABC and I belong to you", and this is where my enthusiasm took a south-bound plunge. It sounded so absolutely fake and when they asked about the experience, I heard all the more fake answers like "good", "great", "refreshing" etcetera.

We were imparted a few words of wisdom called sutras which was appealing enough for me. They were very basic and no-nonsense types but still we never think of implementing them. It was followed by a round of breathing exercises and Sudarshan Kriya-the star attraction of the course.

They got an interesting way to underline the meaning of the sutra because we played a game first and then they explained what they were trying to stress through the games. My ankles hurt pretty bad sitting in vajrasan for almost thirty minutes or so and feet were all numb from sitting cross-legged. Sore with pain, we left after 9.30 and headed home. I was more sore with disappointment.