Finally.

Remember my previous lame attempt at being mysterious? I call it lame because most of my friends guessed it, although they were kind enough not to disclose it on the blog. Keeping a secret is like controlling the urge to pee-you can barely manage to hold it inside and ultimately it has to come out.

The big news is that I am moving to Ahmedabad for my job training which according to me is, inBarney Stinson's words, legendary. It is such a big leap for me that I sometimes get intimidated by the enormity of the situation. I spent seven excruciating months trying to figure out when the mail containing my joining details will greet me in the inbox and when it finally does, it feels like the end of a chapter and the beginning of a new one.

The last time I was away from home was during my industrial(?) visit to Delhi and Nainital and that lasted for ten days. And now suddenly, I am moving away to work at an alien city with no certainty over the time period.

I spent the first few days in my own bubble, conjuring up plans so that my path to independence is not a bumpy one. The thought of unlimited shopping with a very valid excuse was enough to keep me stoned for a few more days.

But now as the D-day draws closer, all the excitement is overcast with clouds of uncertainty and self-doubt. 'Will I be able to pull it off?' is a question that keeps popping in my head with increasing frequency. Being the optimist that I am, I am holding strong to the belief that I am going to rock my training.

I am not going to include the part about how much I am going to miss home, friends, and my sleepy town because it makes me all weepy *blows her nose*. But I am going to surely mention missing my blog because it was the only thing which kept me sane during those seven hard months. It might happen that there will be a drought of posts for a few days here but I promise to return to my love as soon as I am settled into the routine. Dear readers, thanks for keeping up with me through thick and thin, complimenting me even when the posts were mediocre and a huge thanks for helping me discover my love for writing. Together, you and I have seen this blog grow older and hopefully wiser over the years.

That's Me will be on a break for a few weeks but I promise to flood it with posts chronicling about my giant leap of faith in a new city and surrounded by new people. Stay tuned to this space for more. Till then, goodbye folks :)

P.S. If this post appears incoherent, jumbled, wayward and jumpy, then may be you are right because that is my current state of mind.

P.S. again- Will be leaving for Ahmedabad on the night of 5th March. I forgot to mention it anywhere in the post. Bon Voyage!

Psst...

Remember my previous depressing post #1 and #2 ? I usually don't try to post when I am feeling blue since I fear I might end up saying things I don't mean to. Plus some people interpret it the completely inverted way and the explanation part is boggling.

So I am pleased to announce that the source of my depression(?) has vanished into thin air. The mail I was expecting finally landed into the refreshed-at-alarming-intervals inbox and it took days for the news to sink in. It was that good!

Although, you dear readers, might have to wait a little more time to know what exactly I was anxiously waiting for. I got it after so much struggle that I won't acknowledge the sweet victory till I am only a few days away from clinching it. I know, I know, it is too much of a suspense but I have the dubious distinction of being the person with record number of plans falling flat on their faces. So like a superstitious old woman, I will keep it under wraps till the right time arrives. Keep :)

That's Me!

It doesn't take rocket science to figure out from the blog that my behaviour tilts heavily on the weird scale. The only saving grace is that weird quotient is applicable only to my thoughts and I somehow manage to restrain myself from implementing them.

• When I am standing at the door of local train trying to catch some fresh air, more often than not,I had this urge to just jump put and see what happens. Don't mistake it for a suicidal tendency,it is simple curiosity which I somehow manage to keep in check. I was scared by my demented thoughts till Alias comforted me by sharing his similar experience.

• I have a watch, battered, bruised and requiring high maintenance simply because I wear it all the time to the point of abusing it. It is a nice feeling to look onto the wrist and able to tell the time. Plus I have this tendency to wake up at forsaken hours for apparently no reason, so instead of scanning for the wall clock in the dark, I look up to my watch. To put it in simple terms, I looooooovvvvvveeeeeeee my watch :)

• I am a victim of an over active metabolism which makes me burn food in a jiffy. It is reason enough for other females to envy me but here is the downside- I am forever hungry. My friends would vouch for it since I am always sniffing for some titbits even after wolfing down a heavy meal. My parents are forever at the receiving end since I empty out the dabbas for my fill of midnight snacks only to panic at the sight of empty containers when guests drop by.

• When I was a kid(makes me sound so old), I used to take home the wrapper of the chocolate and lick off the remnants with contended delight. It will give you an idea how much of a choco-addict I am.

• My mind is my world. I have globe-trotted, learned groovy dance forms and won Masterchef India. All in the mind, that is.

• I am really fond of photography and am thorough with the basics but I am most of the times too conscious to click when people are around. Once I badly wanted to capture an old man feeding stray dogs, but I was afraid that should he take offence, he might just release those dogs to attack me. I am more of a solitary photographer I guess, content with capturing plants and socks which won't turn mutant and kill me.

• Given a choice, I would rather curl up with a book and warm coffee at home rather than attend the most happening party in town. I have nothing against socialization, but I need to have 'me' time often to restructure my thoughts and contemplate about certain things.

I would have added more to the list but I fear you reader might confuse me for a mentally deranged person with no foothold in reality. Let me know if you are weirder -it might just comfort me and not make me feel lonely :)

Wrapping It Up

The past is a funny thing. When I look back at all the not-so-happening episodes of my life, I itch to reverse time and do things differently. When I look back at all the moments oozing of happiness, I feel heavy with emotions since I never know if I would ever feel the same again.


This year I have decided to look at the past as a distant observer; this enables me to stay a step back but yet indulge in the flow of flashbacks, albeit with fewer emotions. It is improper of us to judge what is good and what is not with respect to the past since it has already rushed past us with little regard for our opinions now.


This list of the important events(in no particular order) in the year 2010 is my way of assuring myself that all things-good or bad have to come to a definite conclusion. If things are not ending the way you want to, well, there is always another year to fix it up!

1. Loving my cousins' kids. Three children are quite a handful but they never ceased to amaze me with their ability to make things appear so simple. It only made me love kids even more.

2. Climbing over a high divider to cross over to the other side of a bumper-to-bumper traffic afflicted highway.

3. Studying real hard with absolutely no expectations and being delighted when things turned out to be good.

4. Reading a dozen books even during exams. Earlier reading was a hobby; now it is my escape route from reality.

5. Dancing like hell with college friends till I was all huffy-puffy with the dust storms I kicked up on the college ground.

6. Indulging the foodie in me and gaining 8 k.g.s without an ounce of regret.

7. Dressing up in a sari. I never thought I would say this, but I am in love with this outfit. It makes me feel so... womanly. The baggy tee girl has finally grown up, I guess.

8. Weeping on college farewell party. Not because I was high on emotions but because the guys were wailing!

9. Cutting off certain people from my life. They were sucking out my spirits and happiness like Dementers rendering me glum and listless. The sun now seems brighter and the world a much better place to live in.

10. Clearing the University papers with kick-ass marks and clinching a job. I have never felt so proud of myself.

11. Admitting to the mistakes I have done only made me a stronger individual of steely grit.

12. Starting to read Bhagvad Gita made me more conscious of my actions.

13. Realizing that self-assurance is that invisible shield which will protect me from harsh people and their opinions.

14. Getting to know the difference between optimism and delusion.

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.”

No matter how terrible and horrendous 2010 was, you can never stop imagining and hoping good thing for the future. I am no different... So here's to a new year ushering in cheer and triumph over evil. Happy New Life to all!

Aakhir Queue?

The queue is a good indicator of how civilised a society is since it denotes to what degree the public shows conformity to discipline. The purpose of a queue is to ensure fair treatment by following a simple principle of first in, first out although certain section of people have an inverted conception of the same.


In India, the queue is a non-existent identity. People have much difficulty maintaining a queue which is created for their own good. In school, we were whip-lashed with the string of whistle by our sports teacher since we never managed a straight line and kept swapping places to be closer to our friends and chatting in huddles.


Whether it is a temple,railway station or doctor's clinic, there will be one eminent personality who dares to jump the line and all hell breaks loose. There will be a bunch of monkeys ready to repeat the action. It is amazing how we are ready to imitate the bad examples before us but never the good ones. We will easily pick up the smoking and foul language but never make an effort to replicate the sense of social responsibility of Mohan Bhargav in Swades.


It is precisely the reason why I have frequent bursts of anger mostly at the railway station. There would be someone who will approach me with a puppy face and a sad story explaining about them being in a tearing hurry owing to some emergency . Being the idiot that I am, I end up helping them and more often than not, I see the same person cooing with his/ her lover at some mall.


It seems that I have built a reputation as the messiah of late-runners as I have been approached numerous times while in queue to buy them a ticket. With every bit of effort contorting a reprimanding face, I have gathered enough courage to refuse them and ask them to join the queue.


Let me tell you, this line jumping runs across all classes. A laptop carrying and poker-straight-hair swishing corporate will have no qualms about using her charms to break the line while dissolving all opposition with mere fluttering of eyelashes. A good looking guy will smile his dazzling 32s and get his work done while some female is busy crooning over him. The railways have introduced smart cards and coupons so that people don't have to stand in a queue when they are in a tearing hurry. But these misers would not shell out some extra bucks for the convenience.


While all this drama is going on, most people like me are left feeling like fools while the real fools will go around boasting of their talent to jump the queue. My message to them- Grow up you uncivilised dork! Being able to cheat is no real talent and when you go around loud-mouthing about your exploits, you are only portraying yourself as an uncivilized creature. You wouldn't dare repeating the stunt in some developed country, would you, you two-faced coward?

Disappointment

Today is not the day. Just not the day I was hoping for.... Another cycle of futile waiting and hoping against hope for something to land in my inbox. I need to constantly remind myself that patience is my biggest virtue and now it is put to test. I have to continue being strong. Tomorrow will be the day hopefully....

There Are Times....

.... when I just want time to move ahead fast enough so all I can see is an imperceptible blur. I just wish to be in the time few months from now and shake off my present memories as a bad dream.

Endless period of waiting does you no good.Whenever I make up my mind and prepare my mind for the worst, a sign appears on the horizon and as I rush forward to grab it but all that I am left with are unanswered questions and unspoken agony.

Hopefully, tomorrow would be an end to my misery. I refuse to give up my optimism even though it has lost touch with reality. I hope to merge them soon. Tomorrow would be the day hopefully......