Sunshine... Continued and Concluded

"My name is Aarav and I am....." was all she heard before scampering off to the wash room, emerging only after the assembly bell rang. Ashima spent the rest of the day trying to maintain a straight face but she could not ignore the warmth within which steadily grew every passing second. She wanted to hide it and hold it forever- this feeling so alien, she did not have a word for it. It wrapped Ashima in a cocoon which deflected her mother's curses and her neighbour's deliberate scream on sighting her.

The next day, a health camp was organized in the school which was an annual affair and an embarrassing time for most people. The kids emerged red faced minutes after stepping inside the makeshift tent, thanks to the full body check up they were subjected to. The people conducting it were bored and disgruntled government doctors and Ashima was forever annoyed by their initial expression of horror ultimately melting into pity when she stepped in.

This time, for a change, the doctor was a cheery, middle aged doctor who examined Ashima minus the unwanted expressions- like a professional. Her forehead creased as if she was mentally calculating something, fished out her mobile and stepped out of the tent. She came back, bringing in a breeze of fresh air and looked much more animated. Dr. Sarika looked into Ashima's eyes and in a motherly voice asked, "Would you like to be more beautiful?"

Ashima looked out of the window in a contemplative manner, the steaming cup of tea misting the glass. She opened the small piece of paper, worn at the folds and read it for the thousandth time, the smile never abandoning her face.

To the girl with tight braids who never knew how lovely she was; who, ten years ago, never believed the doctor that her cleft lip could be fixed and who was kind-hearted and forgiving enough to love and marry the doctor's good-for-nothing son. Shimu, cleft-lipped or not, you are my very own personal sun and every morning I look forward to wake up basking in your sunny love and care.

Happy one year of togetherness- happy anniversary Shimu.

~ Your went-out for-jogging-but-would-be-back-soon husband,

Aarav

Sunshine

The mirror caught the early morning sun and briefly illuminated the room before she occupied the reflection. She hated this part wherein her mother would, with undue force, braid her hair; dust powder over her face so that for a few seconds, she was engulfed in a sweet smelling halo and then finally pack her off to school. She dreaded going there, but the fear was tolerable compared to the sinking feeling she encountered on facing the mirror.

Ashima, now 14, was forever subject to much ridicule due to her cleft lip which took off the attention from her honey-coloured eyes and sculpted nose. When Ashima was born, her mother had refused to touch or feed her initially, forever screaming that she had given birth to a monster. The doctor had tried to make her see sense but he was helpless against the walls of ignorance and fear enveloping the entire village. All this while, her father never looked up from the newspaper.

Ashima scanned the corridors and treaded cautiously to avoid running into anyone. She arrived nowadays an hour prior to the school hours to avoid the snide comments, pointed fingers and mass bullying her classmates had taken a fancy to. A few weeks ago, a bright eyed boy had come running towards her,pulled off the band holding her pony and ran off to the next class. He was peering at her from the door while a crowd gathered around to bully Ashima.

Hence the braided hair and early arrival at school; her new routine suited her fine. She almost stumbled when she saw the boy near the door of classroom with an unreadable expression on his face. Ashima felt the tears burn the back of her throat as she fought the urge to run away on seeing him walk in her direction. He handed her back a band, new and wrapped nicely in plastic while Ashima stood rooted, puzzled. She was about to stop him when he faced her with a solemn look.

"I am sorry but I never planned to do anything to hurt you. I never thought the whole class would swarm and chide you.My mother said it was very bad of me to do so and gave me money to buy you a new band.Did you like it?"

Silence.

"Don't think I am giving an excuse for my behaviour but......I think you look pretty with your hair loose."

Pet Peeves

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray attempts to demarcate problem areas for men and women by pointing out essential differences and I must say he has done a good job. The book uses waves as a metaphor for women, with crests representing the phases wherein the XX species are in cheerful disposition and troughs representing the sulky aura we put up sometimes. No prizes for guessing which phase I am in.

I have been religiously ranting on the blog since it is therapeutic and much better than conjuring up violent plans to eliminate the source of irritation who most often that not is a person than an incident. So in keeping up with the spirit of sulkiness and my dark mood, I present to you this list who continue to grate my nerves and instigate violent reaction from me.

1. Loud people

I have never understood why there is a need to yell and get all agitated to drive home a point. Most of the time it turns out to be useless babble and the times it is something worth listening, your ear drums have suffered permanent damage.

2. Spit-happy people

When I see them color the town red, I have this permanent desire to repeat the action at their house.

3. The roadblocks

These are the people who will constantly stand in your way and commendably perform the job of a detractor.Constantly throwing up oppositions to your ideas and indulging in fault-finding, these people never go far in life and they wish the same for everyone around. Steer clear, I say.

4. Honking cars

Dude, you know there is a traffic jam ahead, your honking won't magically make it disappear, right?

5. Plain impractical people

They will suggest the most impractical plans but will not take up responsibility for it. If they have such great plans, maybe they could start with showing a bit of conviction na?

6. Water- babies

These people will behave like fishes who might just die if they are separated from water. With unfailing regularity, they will water their cars or flood the lawns without giving a damn to the wastage. I have seen nut cases around who will not relax their regime even during a water crisis while the upper floor residents wait for water to be pumped up to their tanks. Selfish, idiotic and narcissists are the keywords for them.

7. Fevicol varieties

These people are unfortunately under the illusion that the world is going to actually end in 2012 and as a result, are always in a hurry to know more about you, never mind the fact that you have been introduced only a moment ago. I am a very guarded person who loves her privacy while taking my own sweet time to open up. But if someone is under the impression that I will pop open audibly as a soda bottle, then it becomes necessary to make yourself clear.

8. I-am-so-great types

No description needed since everyone detests them. Except may be the cronies they are surrounded with.

I could go on and on, but it only shoots up my BP even thinking about such people *breathe in* *breathe out*. I have had enough of them and if you have in some way irritated me, you can be rest assured you have made it to the list.

F(l)abulous Me

I am on a stay-cation which means that I am foolish enough to stay at home even when I have the time to travel to interesting locations when the world around me is cribbing for a twenty four hour holiday from studies and work. Talk about irony of life.

A solo trip sounds so enticing, especially when I read about experiences o female travelers and I want to believe their verdict that it is relatively safe considering you don't act like a dunce and invite trouble. But the permission part from home and my own doubts about being on my own remains debatable.

Three months of warming the sofa and constant presence of food in the food cavity has resulted in a fatter me, though the effect is mostly visible on the cheeks. I am thankful for that since it makes my buck tooth less visible and not to forget it is good respite from being gaunt faced for so long. Also, it is a good cushion against illness since previously, I was at risk of disappearing owing to pounds I shed during the illness. Not any more!

I am loving this people of having people come up to me and saying that I have gained weight. This may surprise some but if you have spent all your life listening to people inquiring if I am sick on noticing my stick-thin figure, this is a welcome change. I recall one of those regular cat-fights on the train wherein the crowd was supporting me since an ungratefully moronic woman refused to let me space for fourth seat. Someone argued that I was size zero who took up minimum space and they sort of bullied her to adjust though that size zero thing stung me.

I am enjoying this experience of being plus sized since I know it is a short one. The reason being I have this amazing fat-burning power which kick starts once I start on some active work. For now, I am not at all missing the feeling of sitting uncomfortably on bony bums :)

Shopping :D

If someone were to describe the XX chromosome species, the usual suspected adjectives pop up- extra emotional, chatterbox and giggly and hence it is not without reason that I strongly object to stereotyping of girls/women especially when the description is so unflattering.

Being born in a khandaan where majority of my cousins turned out to be boys, it was initially tough to keep up with them. Over the years, they religiously wiped out every feminine trait that irritated them and molded me according to their

convenience. As a result, I find it really hard to comprehend why a group of girls have to burst out in giggling fits every few seconds. Or why they have to apply nail paint going with the outfit. Duh!

But shopping is something that I absolutely love and for a change I am ready to get stereotyped since I am absolutely hooked. Of course, the fact that I am not earning is the only factor that has managed to put a hold on my expenditure so I make do with window shopping :D

So anyways, I was seized with this strong desire to shop so I took my Mum as partner-in-crime and managed to extract a generous sum from Dad. We landed at Dombivli and my jaw dropped at the reasonable prices of everything on the lane full of shops. The prices were so competitive and reasonable, I didn't even feel the need to bargain and on the rare occasion I asked for a discount, I did so guiltily.

I am in love with sarees nowadays so let me Mum buy as many as possible while I settled for two dress materials(four hundred each!) . There is an oh-so-elegant air around the person who wears a saree and will surely draw enough admiration if paired with appropriate accessories. I seriously fail to understand why the younger lot of my generation looks down upon this six yard wonder because honestly I believe it complements the Indian woman. I do agree that the comfprt level provided is a debatable issue, but surely we can skip comfort for a while to look pretty.

This saree below was the clear winner and I have already set my evil eyes upon it, waiting for some chance to wear it-even if the occasion turns out to be not-so-important. Will be too happy to keep you updated with my saree obsession so stay tuned :)

Not-so-good Girl

This one post was found lying in the drafts section, hoping to draw my attention some day when I would shake off my laziness and care enough to edit it. So here goes-

There goes my good girl image! I caught up with a childhood friend at a station and heeding to our rumbling stomachs, we decided to grab a bite at the food court in the complex. You don't expect to have something exotic while still studying so we settled for the humble vada pav and opted for a cold drink at the fountain soda stand.

I was curious about trying out soda (with a generous sprinkling of spices) but was wary about it since soda is mostly used to cure bad tummy and I wasn't sure if anything with medicinal qualities would taste good. Curiosity soon got the better of me and we dashed off to the platform to catch the train which had just pulled in.

Since we were no athletes and the granite steps appeared treacherous enough(Who the hell though of granite at stations? As if we don't witness enough accidents in our life.), we let the train pass and waited for the next one.

Now, this man seated next to us was quite curious about the contents of the plastic cups we were holding. Sensing an opportunity for mischief, my friend started talking in a slurred manner and I almost sniffed at the cup to verify its contents but thankfully it clicked me what she was up to.

We convinced the guy about being high on vodka(my idea since I could think of just one drink which resembled soda) and watched his eyes bulge with horror at our antics. I did spoil it with a bit of overacting but my friend was a natural pulling off the drunken eyes effect quite convincingly. The train pulled in and we saw the guy still staring at us after the train started moving again while we were too busy laughing to board the train. One request- Please don't judge me over this, I haven't touched a drop of alcohol and don't intent to because of my not-so-healthy liver.But as they say, I guess everyone is entitled to have a bit of fun :D

Art of Living- Day 3

I must say I softened up a bit after the previous day's surprise birthday celebration and I saw the initial signs of enthusiasm which prodded me to attend the last day of the workshop. Thanks to my neighbor, I arrived late at the venue and one certain volunteer was rubbing her hands in glee at the fine amount to be imposed on us. Turns out, I had five more people for company and everyone argued voraciously. Apparently, she

was just kidding and we went in to see a game in progress resembling 'Fire in the mountain' childhood game.

I forgot to add yesterday that some newspaper would be covering the event and everyone turned out in their best outfits.Including me. After the usual round of breathing exercises, we settled down to hear a few more teachings.

Now comes the really funny part. We were placed in front of a participant (of same gender!!!!!!!) and asked to look into their eyes while some song played in the background. Trust me it was really embarrassing and to make matters worse, we had to repeat the exercise with two more people. The whole exercise could be described in a single word- AWKWARD. I sighed audibly when it came to an end but groans followed soon when we were asked to close our eyes. And dance.

Now, I do dance with gay abandon when no one is at home and I don't care how terrible my steps are, for the simple reason that no one is watching. How do they expect me to dance freely when I am being watched by the volunteers? Trust me, it was not a good experience for me since I was waiting for the song to get over.

The workshop ended on a good note with the last activity wherein we were handed out paper plates. Now everyone was supposed to compliment each other on the basis of our interaction in the past few days. Trust me, there is nothing more liberating than letting go of all our preconceived negative impressions and prejudices about a person and giving their positive aspects more weight in your thoughts. There was this really nice energy coursing through me as I penned down a word of praise for each one of them. It felt.......awesome!

So go ahead and repeat this exercise with your friends and believe me, the greatest benefactor will you. Go fish out those paper plates and let me know about your experience :)

Art of Living- Day 2

So after the disappointment of the first day, I was in no mood to attends the next day's session. To crumble my already weak willpower, my neighbor who had enrolled with me for the course simply refused to attend any more. Seems he have had enough of it since he was enrolled against his wishes for the course plus the first day was too much for him to take. But being the paisa vasool karo attitude girl that I am, I decided to complete it and attend the remaining days too. Surprisingly, he went a change of heart by evening and agreed to give me company.

The second day began with the breathing exercises but I was pleased with myself since my threshold for pain had increase and could carry on with the exercises with minimal pain. Something to cheer about definitely :)

The rest of the session was nothing out of the ordinary and we learnt a few more sutras which were practical enough. It is strange knowing that what we were advised to implement in real life sounded so obvious but it is the case of easier said than done.

Now as we moved towards the end of second day's session, we were asked to close our eyes(what is up with this closing eyes part. It is done with such regularity that now it seems more of a chore) and were told that it is someone's special day. Obviously Gandhiji, I thought since it was October 2. I was pleasantly surprised to see a drool-inducing cake in front of us and was more surprised to hear we we had a birthday boy in our midst. This one sweet gesture by the organizers was enough to lighten up my uninterested state of mind and I had a deliriously happy time.

All is well that ends well I say! :)

Art of Living- Day 1

As promised earlier, I am writing about my experience about the Art of Living course which was designed specially for the youth called YES+. I had heard quite a few rave reviews about it and considering the utter disarray my mind was in, I gave it a shot.

The instructor was a young female and was surprised to see a normal crowd because I was half expecting overtly spiritual people with serene looks on their faces. The first exercise was introducing yourself to the participants. Now here is the catch- You hold hands with that person and say, "My name is ABC and I belong to you", and this is where my enthusiasm took a south-bound plunge. It sounded so absolutely fake and when they asked about the experience, I heard all the more fake answers like "good", "great", "refreshing" etcetera.

We were imparted a few words of wisdom called sutras which was appealing enough for me. They were very basic and no-nonsense types but still we never think of implementing them. It was followed by a round of breathing exercises and Sudarshan Kriya-the star attraction of the course.

They got an interesting way to underline the meaning of the sutra because we played a game first and then they explained what they were trying to stress through the games. My ankles hurt pretty bad sitting in vajrasan for almost thirty minutes or so and feet were all numb from sitting cross-legged. Sore with pain, we left after 9.30 and headed home. I was more sore with disappointment.

I Almost Fainted....

.... when I was out shopping at D-Mart yesterday. Mom had given me a list and it was very boring because I had to do it alone. Plus the store is a good fifteen minute walk from my place and with the kind of weather Mumbai is having nowadays, I almost risked a sunstroke by the time I reached the place.

The list was really small consisting of really essential stuff which the friendly neighborhood kirana guy does not stock and I was strictly instructed not to stray away from the list and shop according to my whims and fancies. Sigh! Now you know why I was not that eager to go shopping.

So I was lugging around the basket(I had deliberately not opted for the trolley since I get seized by this weird urge to fill it up to the brim) and browsing through the cosmetics section to get a face wash. I don't fit into the mold of a typical girl who researches every beauty product- my only criteria was the price and was able to decide on one in a jiffy.

There were two guys besides me who were checking out the array of creams,face washes,cleansers,toners and moisturizers(but not me :( ). But what shocked me was their very serious and informed discussion on the various products. "Oh, I have tried this, it is very mild but if your skin is dry then go for ....", "See, never use products which claim to clear off oil from your face, it will only increase oily secretions from the face....", "Hey this is a new one, lets try it out" and so on.

After a few minutes of deliberation, they zeroed in onto a product and left while I stood rooted to the spot wondering since when did guys become so conscious of their appearance. I have always liked the way in which guys get ready in a jiffy(and still look adorable). Whatever happened to the concept of 'tall,dark and handsome' or am I the only one stuck with the classic concept of a nice guy?

I returned back home carrying two bags and again got fried in the sun(What is up with the weather these days?). My brother and I have this ritual of emptying every bag that comes inside our house, search for relevant things and leave the rest on the floor for Mom to clear up later,albeit grudgingly. I asked my brother to find the face wash for me since I could not spot it in the heap. A few minutes later, he was looking at the face wash rather strangely only to ask later "I am keeping this. My skin got all bad from the sun. And the next time you go to D-Mart, let me know coz I wanted a skin cream". WTH!

The Dynamics of Being Inert

They say when you know a disaster is lurking around the corner, you are prepared for it mentally and helps you deal with it in a planned manner. Just like the way you take in a deep breath before the waves come crashing and pull you deep inside the water. I knew this was coming so can't argue that I was taken by surprise, only that I could not cope with its sheer enormity. Frustration is the name.

It has been more than three months I am at home and let me tell you the first one month was absolute heaven. Rid of exams, I was left with so much time on my hands that I didn't know what to do of it. It was a heady feeling that made me giddy with happiness. So there was a lot of catching up with friends, loitering around at malls and hogging on food(this is applicable only for me).

I believe it becomes easier to wait when you are awaiting something,a s in my case, the result. The endless wait and the anticipation was easier to cope with because you were not alone. It was like waiting for the New Year- being alone on that day is a curse,but along with a bunch of friends life seems like heaven.

The results arrived and mercifully it was good. Not just for me, but for everyone around. For the past few years, I have been unable to indulge in the celebration of my results since it was always overshadowed by the sorrow of a friend who did not fare well. I am simply unable to feel happiness if someone important in my life is upset and that, I believe is the most basic human tendency. So for a change, this time we were able to enjoy the feeling of being an engineer and to the job awaiting us.

But suddenly it hit me- what now? Sure I had the company to wait for since I have not yet received the joining. My friends got cozy in their jobs so suddenly I was deprived of company to roam around and I felt guilty asking those tired souls to come out of their houses on holidays. I try to keep myself busy with household stuff and my mother is one delighted soul. I surf the Internet for recipes and cook them up and frankly I am glad it kills time though there is this nagging feeling inside me that I could have done better things with my time.

To top it all,I was missing last dates for all the courses I wanted to enroll and I am still to understand how I managed a feat like that. Then again started a fresh new cycle of waiting which is driving me freaking crazy now. I really have to restrain myself to use expletives on my blog just to show people how frustrated I am doing nothing. Those words sometimes do help people understand the enormity or seriousness of the situation.

Yeah I know people might suggest me to enroll for XYZ course but guys, I have my own list of things I want to do like enroll for a dancing class, a foreign language course or take up oil painting classes. Only that my wishes are shot down with alarming regularity by my parents and they are deemed unnecessary which makes me all the more mad. I have forever postponed enrolling for them since I was short on time and look at the irony now. I have time- the only necessary thing for the course but no permission to do so.

I find a bit of solace on the Internet since it takes my mind off the rage boiling inside me at the utter helplessness of my situation. I tweet, chat,do a bit of social networking and I am glad that a few hours have passed peacefully.And I say a few hours because mother reprimands me if I exceed an hour as she is more concerned with the electricity bill rather than my sanity.

Two days ago, I had a breakdown of sorts where I wept on my pillow and almost suffocated myself trying to muffle my sobs. It was liberating because I was finally breaking free from my illusions and accepting the fact that my life sucks for now. I don't have to put up a farce that I am enjoying it. I used to enjoy it but when you got no one to share your time, it is a bloody torture. That night when the tears flowed uninhibited till I could taste them in my mouth, I resolved to do something of my situation. The first thing I have to let go is my passivity and I have already started on this hell of a task. I don't know about the outcome of this resolution but at least it is a start.

I got lots of things planned, one being Art of Living course that starts today and goes on till this Sunday, four hours per day. I was never enthusiastic about doing it but when I saw what a rut I am stuck in, I jumped in. Will keep you updated :)